Missing Ashley

Hello. I miss wordpress. I miss Ashley. I hadn’t been on wordpress frequently, and didn’t find out until December that she passed away in October. I am sad. I feel weird being back here. I kinda don’t want to continue on with my blog without her.

She gave me a lot of support. She liked every single one of my posts, I think. I learned a lot about mental health from her. I learned a lot about blogging from her. I met other bloggers that are now friends through the comments on her blog. Her blog/website really is amazing. I really liked her. I admired her. I thought about writing a book on mental health like she had done because she inspired me, and then when I mentioned me maybe doing it, she encouraged me as well. Now, I’m not so sure.

I want her to be here and comment on this post and tell me what she thinks.

How will I know what wordpress’s latest updates are without her? Some missing things are smaller, and others are bigger.

She was one of few people that commented on my blogs. And the person on wordpress that I had known the longest. She followed my blog from my start, and I followed hers, and we both stuck with it. For four and a half years. I felt like I knew her, and she knew me. We did know each other. It sometimes feels strange to me that you can know and be friends with someone online, entirely through text and the occasional picture, not through voice, video, or physically being in the same room. But “online friends are real friends,” as they say… I think the online aspect just makes her death feel less real. Harder to internalize and accept as reality.

She once gave me advice/perspective/her good opinion, when I was feeling guilty about getting into graduate school through the back door. She said that whether it was the front door, the back door, or the cat door, the school is the one that put those doors there.

Some things have really stuck with me.

Because of her death, I do want to come on here and say that I am, indeed, alive. I’m doing alright, too. School- and career-wise, things are going well. Mentally, I was doing well, but this week, I’ve taken a dip for some reason. Physically, I’m doing ~okay~ — not the worst and not the best. Eating is hard. I find it hard to get enough food.

That’s all for now. Sending virtual hugs to the Ashley, who won’t see them… ❤ ❤ It makes me so sad. I’m tearing up.